Sometimes I want to just have a different life - somehow have different circumstances and experiences. I would love to take this life, throw it out, and start completely over again. Oh, the things I would change and do differently, and the great impact they would have on my life. Sometimes I wonder if things will ever change. Will I ever move out of my parents' house and get married? If not, will this feeling of intense loneliness ever go away or is it a constant that will always be there?
I'm terrified of my dear friends moving away. It's happening, and there's nothing that can be done about it. Yes, I am extremely happy and excited for them, but I am scared out of my wits at the same time. They've been there for me like nobody else lately, and it's hard to let go of that. Spending all of my spare time with them is my defense mechanism against my current pain.
Shifting your dependence from people to God is so hard, but I know it's necessary. Just a very hurtful way to go about it.
Sorry for the ramblings - just had to get some weight off my shoulders. Wish I could type out everything I'm thinking and feeling right now. Not sure that's possible though.